Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
