I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
