Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
