the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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