my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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