dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
