I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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