Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
