S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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