Apparently you make a good broom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
