Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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