Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
