I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
