Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
