I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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