Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize