The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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