her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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