went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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