Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
