1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
