OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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