Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize