Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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