the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
