I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
