You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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