Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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