I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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