Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
