I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
