I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
barbara walters just said penis...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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