i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
