Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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