i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
