dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
