"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize