I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fuck appropriateness.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize