God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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