What tipped you off? The sombrero?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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