Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
