STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
