im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
