I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
