I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
