Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
