You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
