Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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