apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
