There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
