It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
