this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
