you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
