first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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