I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
