How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
