Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
