Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
