we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
