It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
