It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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