I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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