Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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