do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
