i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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