Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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