I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
