dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
