I miss vodka workout Fridays
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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