i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
