I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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