Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
