I bet he comes in French.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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