If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize