This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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