I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
