I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize