Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
