lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
