she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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